We Outgrow Friendships, Just As We Outgrow Clothes

July 13, 2021

Just as we outgrow clothes, we outgrow friendships. And it's okay. While growth is natural, it is also uncomfortable. The discomfort of drifting friendships can teach us more about ourselves than we think. It creates an opportunity for us to occasionally evaluate whether certain friendships fit the mold of our lives + fulfill our friendship expectations.

Fit

Drifting friendships can feel like our favorite shirt from high school that no longer fits. You know, our go-to party top. Years later, squeezing into a shirt that's two sizes too small can feel tight, suffocating, and uncomfortable. Most times, the only reason we are holding onto it is for its sentimental value. Drifting friendships can feel the same. When assessing whether a friendship still suits the context of your life, consider whether the relationship fits who you are today.

Also, consider having a conversation with your friend to address your concerns. But if you aren't in the mental space to speak about it, consider taking some time for yourself. Sometimes the guilt of loosening our grip on people who hold a significant place in our hearts can be painful; leading us to question our ability to maintain long-term friendships. But this is all completely normal.

Fulfillment

As we navigate the world, our needs, interests, and values shift. We join new communities + start new friendships. When we sense a friendship drifting, it is an ideal time to consider whether the relationship still brings us happiness.

Since the things that bring us fulfillment change over time, it is our responsibility to be introspective to learn what brings us personal fulfillment and allow our findings to inform what brings us happiness in our relationships with others. For me, a fulfilling friendship reciprocates support, growth, honesty, independence, respect, and vulnerability.

When evaluating an outgrown friendship, consider which parts of the relationship bring you fulfillment and why. Consider whether this person can grow with you as your needs change and consider whether your values align. Remember, healthy friendships are reciprocal.